There are three things in this world that seem magical and exciting to kids. I’m not talking about Disney World, Santa Claus, or accidentally discovering porn on the internet. Those things are all very age and belief structure dependent. I’m talking about the time-honored milestones – becoming a teenager at 13, getting your driver’s license around 16, and finally becoming an adult at 18. All three are mired in excitement and expectation and when reality hits, there’s bound to be a healthy dose of disappointment.
Turning 13 is a big deal as a kid. You go from “tween” to “teen” overnight. Depending on when you developed physically, the thrills they associate with becoming a teenager are something we wish our kids would understand – is not all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, there’s the excitement of your first pube, or maybe a lone beard hair. PG 13 movies are now deemed OK for you to watch by the Motion Picture Association of America! You’re no longer a “child” but an “adolescent”. You have certainly arrived! Oh, but so have your hormones, mood swings, and the dreaded parental guidance. Unsightly body hair, unpleasant odors, horrendous attitudes, and a lot more of the word “no” from your parents. But hey! You know what’s next? In 3 short years, you’re going to be 16!
Ah yes, Sweet 16. High School! Boys! Girls! Learning to drive! Getting your license and, hopefully, your first car. You’ve even got a sweet after school job, making your own money. Nothing can stop you now! Except for your parents and the crushing sense of dread that you STILL have to ask if you can stay out until 10. Oh man, I bet you can’t wait until you’re 18 – a REAL adult.
It finally comes – adulthood. You can take yourself to a rated R movie in a theater now. You can register to vote! You can buy your own lottery tickets and get that tattoo you’ve always wanted. You can legally change your name, buy your own fireworks, and handle your own medical decisions without any help or direction at all (except the federal government and your insurance company). But that’s another subject for another time.
We all looked forward to this time in our lives when we’d finally get to spread our wings and fly – doing it our way, just like Laverne & Shirley. How dumb were we? We didn’t think about bills or health insurance, copays, grocery shopping, and all of the things that go with each. Most of us had it pretty easy under our parent’s care, even if we didn’t see it that way at the time. Because the total shit-show that is adulthood is not something you can ever prepare properly for. It’s trial by fire and that whole wanting to do it all on your own isn’t as great as you expected it to be.
Now, I am 52 years old (ALMOST 53) and I have a lot of experience as an adult. I could regale you with tales of my first real job, my first time I bought a car from a dealer, moving, changing jobs, marriage, divorce, pregnancy, and raising a son to be an adult, and having a stepson who is a tween. Perhaps in time I’ll move through those and share my experiences.
But right now, I want to talk to you about how you can have the greatest plan in the world, but shit happens and you’re never going to be fully prepared for it. There are two stories contained in this entry because one is something everyone can expect and one is something that you don’t expect.
Story number one – car issues.
I’ve owned quite a few cars in my life. The first few were either obtained by my mom helping me or me reading the classified ads in the newspaper to find a car that I could actually afford without a loan or much help from my parents. When I was finally in a position to not by that rusted out ’76 Cutlas Supreme for $800, I ventured to an actual car dealer and found my ’92 Saturn. I drove that for a few years, then went with a Dodge Stratus, followed by a Nissan Versa, and now I’ve got a Kia Sorrento. Never mind that it’s virtually uninsurable because of the TikTok videos showing people how to steal it.
When I bought the Kia, we worked out an amazing trade for my quickly dying Nissan Versa and we drove home in the Sorrento shortly after. I think I had it about a year when those TikTok videos came out and there was a HUGE uptick in thefts.
The cost of insurance started to go up, even though I never made a claim and my driving record was spotless. Now, my cousin is my insurance agent (let me know if you’re looking for one) and she always shops the different companies for me to get the best deal. What we have discovered is that my current insurance is one of the few who will even insure it. Yes, I got the software update that supposedly makes it harder to steal, and we can put a club on it, and yadda yadda yadda. However, those things don’t seem to matter to insurance companies. I’m at the point where there’s really only one other company who WILL insure it, but the cost of the policy is astronomical compared to what I’ve got going on now. The problem is that cost keeps rising based solely on the fact that it’s a 2018 Kia Sorrento. It doesn’t matter where I live or how I don’t drive very much at all since working from home. Much like a pitbull, it’s got a bad reputation and everyone with one gets screwed. I also have a pitbull, but that’s not the point here.
Currently, due to some issues with his truck, my husband (who shall remain nameless) and I are in the position of being a one vehicle household. Now it’s not a HUGE deal – except that hunting season is coming up. It’s a trip he’s taken a lot of time to plan as it will be my stepson’s first hunting trip with Dad. It involves 2 separate weekends. The first he could alter the plan and just go up Saturday night/Sunday morning and return on Monday. I have plans that Saturday to celebrate my mom’s life so he can’t have the car then. After that, I know enough people that if I truly needed something I could ask. Plus, the bar is a short walk from my backyard so I could still socialize without a ride from anyone if needed.
The second trip is the hard one. The current plan was for him to leave after Thanksgiving lunch and return Sunday evening. The thought of not having anything to drive Thursday afternoon to Sunday evening is just too much for me. While I can plot to get my grocery needs handled while he’s still in town, I’ll pretty much be home bound and dependent upon whoever I can reach if there’s a legitimate need during this time. Not to mention, they’re boys and they’ll mess up my car because it’s a genetic thing, apparently.
Until we figure it out, during the week he’ll take the Kia to work. I don’t usually need it except for next Wednesday when I have to go get my mammogram. The hiccups come in on days like today. I need an ingredient for my white chicken chili that I didn’t include in my grocery shopping yesterday. DAMN IT. I could walk up to the local gas station, but I’m unsure they’ll have what I need (a can of northern beans for my white chicken chili). So if anyone lives near me and has a can, would you be willing to bring it to me?
My point? You’re going to run into car trouble. How you get out of it will remain a mystery until you actually do it, but you may have to suck it up and ask for help, even if you THOUGHT you were prepared.
Story #2
Because of my health issues, I’m on a blood thinner (rat poison) for the rest of my life. I also started down the road of basing a healthier diet on Weight Watchers. These two are related, just wait for it. For me, the easiest thing to do with Weight Watchers is to stick to eggs and/or fruit for breakfast, and a giant salad for lunch, leaving me almost all of my food points for dinner and the occasional beer or four.
Leafy greens actually make your blood more likely to clot, which is fine as long as you eat them in consistent amounts. If I run out of baby spinach and lettuce, my bloodwork that week is always out of whack. Sure, I try to drink more beer (which thins the blood) on those weeks to even it out, but it’s not an exact science and the beer doesn’t fit neatly into my eating plan.
The whole premise here is I buy a lot of fresh vegetables. Often, they go bad before I use them all, so I’ve recently been doing some research on proper storage to make them last just an extra couple of days. I’m still so confused by all of the recommendations, so I thought I’d try something I haven’t yet – fruit and vegetable storage containers.
I know what you’re thinking – how does this translate to a cautionary tale about being an adult? I’m going to explain that as efficiently as possible.
So first, in my research I should either 1) leave romaine lettuce sealed up in an airtight bag or 2) leave romaine lettuce in the crisper drawer, set to high humidity, but not sealed tightly. UMMMM
I should also either A) Store broccoli in a container with holes and NOT in the crisper drawer and don’t crowd it or B) Cut it up and seal it in an airtight container.
On and on it goes for most of my vegetables: Do not slice cucumber until ready to use vs. slice it up an put it in water in an airtight container. Onions – eat the whole thing once you peel it otherwise it will poison you. Don’t get me started on carrots, celery, or green onions. Notice there’s no mention of cauliflower. That’s because it’s evil and tastes like ass.
So I go on Amazon and start looking around for storage solutions so I can read the reviews of people who have actually tried them. THIS IS A MISTAKE. Looking at the products and the photos that accompany them are really causing me a whole lot of anxiety. And here is where my tale becomes cautionary. DO NOT JUDGE YOUR OWN LIFE BASED ON WHAT YOU SEE IN ADVERTISEMENTS. Also, it’s OK to question people’s choices, but do so in a humorous, light hearted way that doesn’t destroy them.
Submission #1
OK SO. FIRST OF ALL it is apparent that my refrigerator is completely and utterly inadequate, at least in terms of space. I would need to take out every shelf of my refrigerator to get this sucker in there. I’m unsure what this person is doing with all of those carrots and heads of lettuce, but I have a lot of broccoli in my refrigerator on a regular basis, so I get whatever you kink is. What I don’t fully understand is why are there steaks, unwrapped, in a drawer above vegetables? That’s a recipe for disaster on so many levels.
Submission #2
Again, my refrigerator isn’t up to these standards. But I have to ask 4 questions:
- Who partially shucks one ear of corn then just leaves it in the fridge all willy nilly?
- Who leaves grapes just floating around inside of their refrigerator. At least put them in a bag or a bowl, fool.
- Why are you storing bananas in the refrigerator? That’s weird.
- At least they have the chocolate syrup where it belongs – top shelf, baby! Honestly, I don’t think that goes with anything pictured, except the bananas, but you do you.
Submission #3
This one is a bit more realistic. Note how when they reorganized with the new containers, they just threw away anything that wasn’t a fruit or vegetable. Yogurt? Gone! Some type of packaged meals? History! At least they’re thawing out the meat in the fridge and not the counter. I can only assume that they cooked it.
With all of these, aside from my refrigerator being simply a standard sized one, I have a major problem. 1/3 of my refrigerator at any given time is used up by leftovers in Tupperware. Another sizeable portion is condiments and 23 different types of BBQ sauce. Those live mostly in the door shelving, so they’re not bothersome. Another portion is beer/water/seltzers. The top right mostly pickles of varying flavors and non-cheese dairy products. Cheese and lunchmeat in the little drawer. Most of my veggies are in the drawers at the bottom, except for the broccoli which goes wherever I find space for it. I don’t really have fruit because while everyone wants me to buy apples and oranges, those same people won’t eat them so I just stopped.
I wound up purchasing these, simply because the fridge in the photos most closely resembles mine in that it has more than just some vegetables taking up all of the space.
I’ll let you know how they work out, if I can just figure out which things should be in water, which I need the colanders for, and which are just going to wind up holding milkbones in my pantry so that Opie can have fresh snacks.
I’ll work on my anxiety about the state of my refrigerator and eventually, I predict I will use none of these as intended long term. Why? Because while it’ll work out great right away, it’ll wind up being too much of a bother to keep on doing it. So I’ll give up and just do it the way I’ve always done it. Welcome to being an adult!