When I was younger, one of my favorite phrases to use when I was frustrated was, “Well fuck ME. Fuck me right in the ear.” Remember that.
A friend of mine recently told me about her 22 year old daughter getting yet another piercing.
Aside from ears, she has her nose, her Monroe, her tongue and now her lower lip right in the middle of it. Because I happen to know the history of her daughter, I suggested that perhaps these were done for a purpose. I suggested it would be possible to tie her mouth shut using these strategically placed piercings.
We laughed a bit and talked about what that would all look like when she’s elderly and in a nursing home. Then, I went a step further.
Our conversation went something like this:
Me: “You know who I feel sorry for?”
Me: “Those people walking around with the gigantic holes in their earlobes and metal or plastic washers inserted. Or maybe they’re bolts. I don’t remember what you call it.” (I know now that they are called ear gauges.)
Her: “I don’t understand what those are for.”
Me: “Neither do I, but just think – one day, when they’re senile and in a nursing home, some pissed off orderly is going to come in, and decide his dick fits right in that hole. Can you imagine waking up to some guy fucking your earlobe?”
Well, can you?