Posted in Life

Why Him?

If you talk to anyone who has known me for any length of time, they’ll tell you that things in my world have changed drastically over the past 6 months.  Nearly every day, I’ll say something and one of my friends will say, “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”  These are the people who have heard me make excuses about not saying yes to a second date.  These people have heard me say that I didn’t think I’d ever share space with another adult again.  These people have heard me talk about how being single was going to be a life choice that would last until the day I die.  They’d tell you how I didn’t think there was anyone out there for me, because every time I tried, I couldn’t wait to get my space back.  They’d probably tell you that I was jaded and uninspired when it comes to love.  They’d also probably tell you that it made them sad to hear those things, but understand they were all born of shitty experiences and settling and never really feeling content with whatever it was that was going on in my life.

In the blink of an eye, that all changed.  Now, I’m sold on the fact that I’ve found that one person who gets me.  I want him to get me.  I want him to keep getting me.  I want to plan life and the future and all of it involves him.  I don’t even imagine a scenario that he’s not a part of.  It’s only natural that some want to know what changed, what happened, why him?  Well, I’ve been searching for the words and I probably still don’t have them.  But I’m going to try anyway, because it’s important.

Why him?

Have you seen him?  OMG look at him.  OK, wait, that’s got nothing to do with it.  It’s icing on the perfect cake, really.

Why him?

Because for the first time ever, I don’t feel like I have to explain every last little thing about myself.  It’s not that he’s not interested, it’s that he understands before I can even finish my thought.

Why him?

Because he says the right things at all the right times.  It can be a sincere compliment.  It can be a thought about the future.  It can be encouragement.  It can be just about anything at all, and it’s like he instinctively knew it was exactly what I needed in that moment.

Why him?

Because when he says the wrong things, he owns them.  When I say the wrong things, he’s patient with me.  And we talk about it all.  We talk openly and honestly, even when things are difficult.

Why him?

Because he talks about the future, and when he does, it’s not an “if” statement, but a “when”.  He’s so absolute and unwavering. That makes me check my regular pessimistic tendencies at the door, at least as much as I can.  He pulls me through the rest of the way, and I know when I’m not-so-optimistic, just talking to him for five minutes on any subject cuts right through that bullshit.

Why him?

Because he’s the only one who has ever shared all of himself openly and honestly without my having to ask a million questions and pry.

Why him?

Because we communicate so well with each other that it’s hard to imagine not having him as a constant in my life.  I can’t even think about not having his input on anything of importance in my life.

Why him?

Because he accepts me exactly how I am and he thinks it’s a beautiful package deal. He doesn’t want me to be anything else other than what I already am, and that makes me want to be better at all of it.

Why him?

Because he makes me feel valued and important.  He makes me feel respected and deserving of good things.  He makes me feel loved.

Why him?

Because he’s really smart, really funny, and really kind.  We debate, we laugh, we love.  He’s opinionated as hell and while his opinions may be very different from mine, he’s never tried to make me feel terrible about that.  He can debate his points fluently and logically, hear mine and respect them.  Yin and Yang have nothing on us.

Why him?

Because he’s everything no one else has ever been.  He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in someone else.  He’s not any of the things I’ve ever had and been disappointed with.  He’s my happy place.  He’s my safe place.  He’s everywhere I want to be, whenever I want to be there.

Why him?

Because he took a chance where no one else ever did.  He put it all out there, took it when I put mine out there, and he doesn’t see a need to look back.

Why him?

Because I just feel it with him. It’s right and it’s beautiful.

Why him?

Because I love him.  That’s why.

Posted in Life, Sex

Master what? Oh…MasTUR

I wanted to do a real comparative study about the differences between men and women, and so I thought of the one thing that makes me happy on a daily basis and how to apply it to seeing what your habits were.  I asked people all about masturbation in an anonymous survey, and now I’m going to present to you the results of that survey.  It’ll be mainly percentages and maybe a few comments. Plus, some people shared the most incredible masturbation stories and you know I’ll share those.

I had also asked for everyone’s favorite euphemisms for masturbating and will attempt to use them all interchangeably here.  It will be fun.  I mean, at least for me.  Let’s start with a basic stat here:  1/3 of the respondents were men who told me about their jacking off habits, which left 2/3 of respondents as women who flick the bean.

  1. On average, how often do you masturbate?
  • 60% of the women paddle the pink canoe 1 – 2 times per week. By contrast, only 17% of men choke the chicken at this frequency.
  • 20% of women said they rub one out 3 – 4 times per week. No men claimed this as their frequency for thinking of your mom.
  • 33% of men and 20% of women said they play with themselves 5 – 6 times per week.
  • If you’re good at math, this means that you know that no women claimed to diddle the skittle more than 5 – 6 times per week. However, 50% of men claimed that they have a romantic evening with Rosie every day.
  • No one said more than once per day. This makes me sad.

2. What do you usually masturbate to?

  • When looking at what men are doing while firing off some knuckle children, 50% are watching porn, 33% are going off of memory or imagination, and 17% are sexting.
  • Women, on the other hand, polish the pearl mostly while relying on memory or imagination (58%). The rest of them are either porn watchers (25%) or sexters (17%)

3. When asked about other things they might use as inspiration the numbers are a bit different. Keep in mind they could check more than one answer. I mean, it’s not like we expect only one activity while we’re multitasking.

  • Men buff the bone using a couple of other things to bolster their session:  50% memory/imagination, 33% porn, 50% sexting.
  • Women branched out a bit more, 45% using memory/imagination, 18% a book or magazine, 45% porn, 9% sexting.  My favorite stat though?  36.36% of women said sometimes they finger themselves with no inspiration at all.  Nothing.  They just lay there and touch themselves.  I like this thought.

4. Have you ever masturbated while someone watched?
Of all the questions I asked, this one surprised me the most.

  • 67% of men said yes, they’ve polished the pistol for an audience of at least 1 and 33% said no.  Let that sink in for a minute while I tell you that
  • 92% of women have rubbed one out while someone watched, and 8% never have.

Now, of those people who have had someone watch them engage in self-awareness:

  • 50% of men said it was mutual masturbation.
  • 75% of women said it was mutual.

While we’re talking about watching each other express ourselves:

  • 100% of men enjoy watching their partner pleasure herself.
  • 83% of women enjoy watching, with the remaining 17% either not being down to watch or not knowing how they felt about it.

5. Let’s talk about the use of toys and whatnot to get off.  Because you know that’s my favorite thing to discuss. 

  • 17% of men use a vibrator.
  • 17% use butt plug.
  • 17% use masturbation sleeves.
  • 83% use just their hands.
  • One kind soul also offered a recommendation for you:  “Vulcan Love Skin: Ripe/Mouth + Vibe Stroker Get it guys. It’ll be your favorite bedside accessory.”

When the women get involved, this is not surprising at all.

  • 50% use dildos.
  • 92% use a vibrator.
  • 8% use a butt plug.
  • 17% use just their hands.
  • No one offered up a suggestion for a great toy, so I will.  My long-time favorite is The Eroscilator.  Spend the extra money, get the complete set with ALL of the attachments.  Don’t limit yourself.

Note:  The men’s math adds up, the ladies’ doesn’t.  I’m thinking when the ladies were checking more than one thing off, they saw hands.  If we’re going look at the actual % of women who use nothing but her hands when visiting the Y, it’s going to be 8%. 

So that’s how we stack up.  I asked people to tell me their most embarrassing masturbation story.  Some people claimed to not have one, and that’s possible. If any of these are you, I’m glad you got back on the plane to Pleasure Island.  You have my gratitude for sharing your story.

“There’s nothing pretty about a guy masturbating. Being busted is always embarrassing.”

“There was this pie…”

“Most embarrassing was my first time. I was in the 12-13 age range. It was a Friday night, late, which meant I had set up shop in my sister’s room, watching Cinemax. She had the cable, I had the computer, a decision I was adamant about and quickly regretted after this particular night. Anyway, she was at a friend’s house or something so I settled in to get my softcore porn on. I still remember the movie, “2069: A Sex Odyssey.” I’d had erections before but had never did anything with them. Well this particular night I decided to give this “choking the chicken” thing a try. I think I came in like 15 seconds and it was a literal explosion of jizz. And while it felt like the most amazing thing ever I instantly panicked. There was jizz all over me, all over my clothes but most alarming, all over my sister’s bed. Oh, I had also never seen cum before so white slime shooting out of my dick, coating what felt like the entire room was terrifying. I stripped everything I had on off, stripped the sheets and blanket from my sister’s bed, ran to my room, put on fresh clothes and then creeped downstairs to start a load of laundry, instantly alerting my mother. So she comes in, surprised that her son is doing laundry, and attempts to sort my “load.” All I could think was my mom is going to get whatever that was that flew out of my dick on her hands and I’m going to need to move out soon after that. I pretty much screamed “NO,” snatched everything from her and shoved it all in the washer where the water had started running and ushered her out of the laundry room. Thankfully it was late and she was half asleep. Because of that whole experience I jerked off onto paper towels laying across my belly pretty much all the way thru high school.”

“Not really embarrassing, but funny. The vibrator wouldn’t turn off. I had to remove the batteries. Actually that happened today because this survey made me go masturbate.”

 “My child walking in…instant mood killer.”

 “My son found my vibrator and brought it out when we had company over. I’ve learned that the nightstand isn’t a good place for such things!”

 “Not embarrassing, just never shared. Masturbated while nursing first born. Only once.”

 “I was 19 and living at home. I had a lock on my door so my 15-year old brother wouldn’t go in my room. He and a friend used a ladder to climb in the window to steal my weed. He found the vibrator I had bought at Spencer Gifts in the mall and laughed and laughed over it. I’m now in my late 40’s, he just told me this a few years ago.”

 “One of the first times I ever did, my boyfriend came home from work early, and I raced to pull up my pants and act like I was doing something productive. But pretty sure he knew. He looked at me with a weird look and asked, what are you doing???”

 “I was about 14 years old. I didn’t have a lock on my bedroom door, so hardly ever masturbated. I was really turned on by a video on tv. So, I was just about to cum really hard and my mom walked in my room to tell me it was way past time to get up”.


Posted in Life, Sex

The Men Have Spoken

Since I asked the women, it was only fair that I asked the men.  I did notice a couple of things – women tend to be far more descriptive, which isn’t surprising at all.  We’re all about the words.  I’m really appreciative of everyone who participated in either survey.  So ladies, get ready to take notes.

I couldn’t summarize this like I did for the ladies.  Y’all are pretty all over the place. 

What’s your current favorite sexual position – has it always been that one, or has it changed with different partners?

Certainly changes with partners. My favorite is ‘doggystyle’ but my partner can’t take it that hard or deep for long. So, to make sure she’s satisfied, we usually do her on top or me on top (missionary). My favorite is likely a modified missionary with me holding up her legs with my arms.

Doggy. Once I did it that way, it became my current favorite. Back in my single days and when I was scared to death of being a teen parent, I loved titty fucking. It was safe and I could really cut loose and get off and was fortunate to have a few partners that seemed to enjoy it also – I’d guess for the same reason.

My fave is doggy style. Hands down. Seeing an ass jiggle and shake just drives me batshit crazy with lust. It’s been my fave for about 10 years since I divorced, but only because I never had doggystyle before that. I was never sexually adventurous.

Assuming you’re talking about het vaginal penetration… They’re all good. Missionary or woman on top for kissing and nipple sucking while doing it. Doggy style for out and out banging. If I have a ‘thing’ for any position I suppose it might be from behind while spooning. While it immobilizes one of the man’s arms, it leaves the other hand more free to ‘play’ than doggy style does. Plus the odd angle / difficulty adds some special sauce for me. It’s kind of so wrong it’s right. It makes me last longer because it’s difficult. Never done ‘cowgirl’ – don’t really see the point – I suspect it’s ‘A Thing’ to show off the girl in porn flicks.

My favorite sexual position varies based on the partner. Most often it is directly related to what I am seeing. For example, my most recent partner is blessed with an ample posterior so any time I am behind her it’s a quick ride to Ejaculation Town because I look down and enjoy what I am seeing. I once had another partner that I enjoyed on top, reverse and regular, more than any other position because watching her ride was an amazing show. And then there are those partners that look fantastic regardless of the position so any way the deed was done was a favorite to me.

Any way I’m in

Depends on the partner. Mostly doggy and reverse cowgirl.

All of them

Girl on back, man on top (missionary).

Missionary. With her ankles by my ears

Missionary – this is first partner I’ve been able to do that with due to joint issues Also really like reverse cowgirl

Prone Bone has been consistent since I learned to flip a woman over.

I like girl on top or doggie.

 Rev cowgirl, was doggy

I don’t have a favorite, it just depends on what I’m in the mood for

What do you think of inflicting a little bit of pain during sex, such as hair pulling, biting, spanking, choking, etc?

Here’s something interesting – the women who answered this seemed to want this pain much more than the men who answered like dishing it out.  I thought it might have been reversed.  The point is, this is one of those areas people ought to be communicating about more.  

hair pulling and lite spanking is ok

She loves the biting and I love to bite her. I don’t like to be bitten all that much though. She also likes a bit of hair pulling, so I do.

No. Really. Not as the question describes it. Much of this is a dominance thing. (I am answering this question and the next question here – And I’m being honest about my kinks / turn ons. I think you could classify me ‘Honest Vanilla’.) Nipping is a Yes, but Biting is mostly a No (It’s a judgement call). Rake my back on occasion. Hair pulling – NO. Not a turn on. Creepy. Spanking – No, not a turn on for me, but I’d slap ass if it did it for her. Choking – Again NO. Never want that much power – Scared by, not sure how I’d deal with, any woman who’d want me to. —- It’s about dominance / submission. I’ve held her down, with permission. Already fucking, held her wrists and pinned her down. It’s mutual ownership. — I may have pushed the back of a girl’s head a little during head is about as far as I’m willing. Again, judgement call – What does she want … both for herself, and to do for you – Which could be experimenting with what she can actually enjoy, and stopping whatever if fantasy exceeds enjoyment. I’d need verbal permission, or serious stroking for me to perform most of these.  

There’s a line between “squeezing with fingers” and “that’ll leave a mark”.

I’ll choke her if she’s down

It’s all good

For it


I think it’s one of the more creative aspects of love making. As much as my partner is willing to push her own limits I’m willing to challenge her. She might say she likes spanking but we need to see if she wants to deal with not being able to sit comfortably the next day.

Honestly? It makes me nervous as hell. Unless I know for absofuckinglutely sure she’s into that, I’d never try it. I’d just be horrified for a woman in intimate with to feel degraded by me.

Love it

I’m all for a little bit of pain during sex but like anything there are limits, both to the level of pain given/received and regularity of pain introduced during sex. Moderation is the key. A great deal of trust is also involved. I’m not just going to let anybody tug hard on my balls while putting a choke hold on me.

It’s good

I don’t mind a little as long as it’s what my partner wants.

I like giving and receiving hair pulls and some biting/nibbling. Spanking I’m willing if she likes it but it doesn’t do anything for me (but since I want her to enjoy…) No choking or strong hitting, whipping, etc

I am indifferent on giving or receiving. I do it lightly (except choking) if that’s what she wants and she wants that from time to time.


Can she do any of those things to you? 

Yes (11)
No (1)
Maybe (3)

I’m willing to push my own limits too. It’s not in an “it’s fair” way – but if she wants to explore her dominant side I’ll see what’s there.

Bite. Slap

She can absolutely do any of those things to me. Sex is reciprocal to me in many ways. And I’m not going to do anything to my partner that I would not allow her to do to me. Yes, I said anything. Butt stuff is fair game.

Hair pulling, nibbling, spanking ok. No choking or whipping

Except choking – no desire to do or have that done to me.


What’s your preference for hair down there on a lady?

small ‘stache is OK – but bare floors is delightful – nothing around the lips or the butt though

I prefer none, makes for better oral. But, shaved or not does not stop me.

Ooh. This one is difficult. Shaved is amazing (Almost too much) , but stubble is horrible. I’ve shaved as a male – Doubly amazing – but it sucked as it grew back. If I had to choose it’d be hair, with shaving as a rare treat.

Small landing strip

As long as I don’t need a sherpa, it’s good

No more than Hitler’s mustache

Well manicured, if any…

Trimmed to none

In order – curly afro, landing strip, Hitler mustache.

I actually like the landing strip. I want everything clean so I don’t catch and cough on a hair, but being able to see it and feel it is just incredibly sexy to me.

Love hair down there

I go back and forth on this. Hair is natural, normal and is to be expected quite honestly. But I’m also not a fan of spending an hour or so after going down on her hacking up hairballs. If you have hair, cool with me. But how about we keep things trimmed and tidy down there. I’m doing the same for you.

None or trimmed.

I like a little above but not around the sides.

I like it both ways. I like shaving it smooth and once it has grown back running my fingers through it. Both have different sensations. That said, I know that the growing back phase can be very uncomfortable so if she doesn’t want to deal with that then I’m fine with hair.

Natural is my preference. I’ve never seen the appeal of a bare area. Oh, I’d still look if it was bare there, but I mean even groomed or something there is better than bare.


In a perfect world, how often would you have sex?

Once or twice a week

2-3 times a week

Ten years ago? Every day and sometimes more. Now? 2-3 times per week is fine. It’s my first indicator that I’m getting old, and frankly scares the hell out of me.

3 times a week.

These days every few days, although twice a day when I became active.

at least 3 or 4 times a week

4 times a week

5 times a week – all on the weekends.

daily – morning is the best

Every. Single. Day.

All day, every day


Every days or so. It takes its toll on me sometimes, though, so need a break once in a while. We can be intimate without full blown sex.

Multiple times daily


I’m sure the popular answer here for most men would be every day of the week and when I was married it likely would have been my answer. But since the dissolution of that marriage I’ve been in a few relationships that have shown me what a happy and healthy sex life is like. And within that context sex would occur in my perfect world whenever the mood strikes. There is no set number on it.


Do you use sex toys with your partner?  If not, tell me why.


We do sometimes but not often. When we do, we will use them for a few times in a row, then go long stretches without using them.

I’ve not had a partner who wanted them. Not that I’d be averse, but when I tried with one partner she said they make her come too fast.

She is very orgasmic, it hasn’t been a need (with THIS partner).


Rarely, she’s not all in to them.

No, but I have had a partner use them in the past. It’s not a necessity.


If the partner is up to it – I’d try any sex toy out there and I’m down for using home utensils too.

I don’t feel the need or get turned on by toys, but if it makes the experience better for her, that’s great. I’m game.

If she’s willing yes

Duh! Sex toys are the shit! And I encourage and celebrate their use with my partner. Go ahead and put that wand on your clit while I pump away.

I have with other partners.

Hell yeah! What are we Amish?

Not with current partner but we’ve talked about it. She was a little shy discussing it at first. Just need to get together and pick something and buy/order it.

We don’t use them. We don’t have any and she has been indifferent about them. I’ve offered to acquire them and she just laughs or rolls her eyes or really seems indifferent.

Describe your perfect sex scenario.

30 min 4play is grand. gotta have some tunes though

Foreplay should be about 10 min of each person performing oral. Then sex should be about 30 min. Two or three positions is plenty. It doesn’t take me long to get her to climax, so our sex is usually about 15 minutes.

Foreplay – 15 minutes to half and beyond. Hugging to kissing to groping to ‘I want to give give her a serious tongue bath, and expect same. There is not a part I will not tongue or kiss.’ After that coital positions are a matter of how long we last.

A good day together, then a lot of time snuggling. They might lead to being silly or lightly teasing. Foreplay is great. Admire the body. Kiss all over. That’s a good start.

This will take too long. But she knows. And she’s down

Foreplay 15 minutes, sex 15 minutes, 3-4 positions, and during a lightening storm. If I did it right, my tongue should feel numb when I’m done.

Foreplay should last till we both are ready to tear into each other ideally. That number is static for me. If I had my way I’d say anywhere between 10-15 mins should do. I go either for 5 mins then another 25-30 minutes after or I’ll go 35-40 mins. Always multiple positions, (oral, missionary, doggy, cowgirl) whatever she wants to do makes it more enjoyable. Always at least two to three times a night as long as time allows.

Depends on how much time we have

Perfect scenario isn’t an every time thing. It’s only perfect if it’s rare. I think it starts with a written set of instructions of how she’s to prepare herself for the visit including outfit and toys to pack. The foreplay starts before she ever sees me. Foreplay includes spanking, fingering, nipple pulling, oral (separately none of that 69 crap) and lots of kissing. 30 minutes of foreplay and probably 15-30 minutes of sex with 3-4 positions ending with anal.

I don’t think there’s a perfect because I just need different things sometimes. But variations between me going down on her while she’s in stockings and garters and driving her crazy with lust to me bending her over the bed and just using her pussy for my own enjoyment when she’s late for work and needing to leave. I love garters on nice legs, I love ass jiggling and cumming inside when I’m not supposed to, and I love the smell of pussy on my face.

She has on high heels and a sexy outfit. Could be one of my dress shirts we spend a long time kissing and when she purrs I move my lips To her bare breasts and then slowly down her body. I love watching a woman climax so I will always bring her to climax first orally. Then while she still in the bliss from her orgasm I mount her and we have intercourse

My picture of the perfect sex scenario is a lazy Saturday or Sunday, absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go, that is spent indulging each others whims and desires. Cuddling, kissing, fooling around, fucking, all of that, not necessarily in that order, on a loop throughout the entire day. Think about how different our Mondays would be if that’s how you spent every Sunday.

foreplay for as long as you can stand it and then multiple positions.

It starts with kissing and caressing and touching each other, taking turns. Then I want to play with/finger/kiss/lick her nipples, clit, and pussy until she has an orgasm and even squirts. I’m not able to pull that off every time but that’s my goal. I have trouble finding the right spot for her sometimes. Then I want her to touch/ tease me a bit before climbing on top and pounding her until I can’t hold on. Sometimes the first part gets me so worked up, the second part doesn’t last more than 10 minutes.

No children around. That’s a tall order sometimes. Perfectly, it’s on vacation or at least in a motel. Starting with a warm to hotter, but not hot shower together, kisses and skin on skin for a time. I don’t know how long it takes – that’s part of it being perfect is that I’m not on a deadline or having to be somewhere else. I know by now how long to linger and when to get out of the shower and advance on to a make out session moving on to a 69. I let her dictate for how long as I could stay there for the duration. She will stay on top and face me, then eventually roll over with me on top flattening down on her. She is usually “happy” by this point and she knows I love the reverse cowgirl or doggy fashion and will assume either position to drain me – she gets enthusiastic (or at least acts enthusiastic, right?) and it doesn’t help my duration by that point.

Now, tell me a rough % of the time that you actually get what you described in #7.

25%- always tunes though








Never. Oh sure, I’ve eaten puss like a champ, but never in thigh highs and garters. I’ve also never fucked a woman late for work. What a fucking eye opener this is. I’m a fucking pussy.

Until I got dumped last May, the percentages were pretty good. Now they’re not. At all.

Maybe 5-10% of the time.


Tell me one thing you wish your current (or latest) partner wouldn’t do in bed anymore.  If there isn’t anything, tell me one thing you’d like them to do differently.

 I will admit that I giggled at some of these, only because I wasn’t sure what was “I don’t want her to do this” and “I want more of this” on some of them.  I’m not even fixing the answers, because I don’t want to be wrong in my interpretation.  NO JUDGEMENT

fart – more head

Change pace during oral. Stick to one speed, dammit. Ha.

I have no sex life. Everything above is a fantasy or memory of a time when I did have a sex life.

Reduce their drive/frequency

She really rocks my world every time

Lay in bed like a dead person.

Wouldn’t change too much.


Differently is just to feel more comfortable verbalizing her pleasure and just give some encouragement along the way. A little direction goes a long way. I don’t need Troy and Joe giving play by play but a well placed “More” or “Harder” is good.

I know cum is fucking nasty. But don’t jump up and run to the bathroom like it’s fucking toxic. I’ve had a vasectomy.  

First I have to find a new partner

While the sex with my latest partner is enjoyable I’m not a huge fan of her tendency to get off once or twice and essentially shut the shop down for the day/night after I cum as well. There will be times when I am ready to go with an Ethiopian marathoner mindset and I’ll get a “you’re still hard? Can’t you jack off or something so I can get some sleep or a snack?” Those are the times I mutter in my head “You know, I could have saved some gas jacking off at home instead of driving all the way over here.”

I can honestly say the only thing that I would like is if my partner Initiated it more but that’s about it, I’m pretty lucky .

Be a little more assertive when she’s in the mood.

I’m pretty satisfied. If I wanted something else or different, I’d mention it. I’d hope she would do the same.


I think next we’ll compare masturbation habits, or something along those lines.