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Happy Holi-Shit-Days

A few things as we delve right into the holiday season (and beyond) from North Prairie, WI.

  • I just wrote something I titled, “Flaming Bag of Shit” and I am not sorry. This may be a bigger bag of shit, but we’ll see.
  • I haven’t figured out how to adjust to a “his family”, “my family”, and “our family” lifestyle.  I spent 20 years where “my family” wasn’t a realistic option and I’m completely done with that.

You all know I hated the holidays, in general, for the past 19 years.  Being home is wonderful and fantastical and…

I still hate the holidays.  The parts I’m going to love will be when it’s me, my three boys, and that’s all.  No offense to family, but here’s the thing:

If we’re with his family, once again, I’m not with my family.

If we’re with my family, he’s not with his family.

If we try to split the time, it can’t always work.  You know, people eat the important meal at the same time, or exchange gifts at the same time.  Or do whatever it is they do at the same time as someone else is doing whatever they do.  Someone, somewhere will always be pissed off.  We’ll be tired and frustrated at the end of the day and all of the enjoyment will have been sucked out of every last thing.  People are going to be short-tempered, and there will always be one person who thinks you didn’t stay long enough with them.  Or that you didn’t get to see so-and-so.  And you’ll want to compensate by having a drink or two, but wait!  You couldn’t have much of anything because you had to drive 3 other people around all day and by the time you get home, you’re too tired to lift a glass to your mouth, so you just go to bed. Trust me, I KNOW.


  • If one more person tells me I have to do this or that for my wedding, I’m just taking him/her off of the guest list. You know who gets to have a “have to” list?  I do.  Chuck does.  That’s pretty much it.  I mean, unless you think I have to have something specific AND you’re going to pay for it.  Because here’s the thing(s) and people need to get over it (them):

a.  I didn’t want anything big – I’ve already done that and it was a complete waste of money. Understand that I originally wanted a grand total of MAYBE 30 people for this wedding.  Just those who are extremely close to me in my daily life.  Those who make an honest difference.  I’m also understanding of the fact that Chuck has family and friends in excess of that, so I have to bend a bit.  I’m not necessarily thrilled about that, but it’s what you do, because it’s a big deal to get married, and you both get to have some say in how it happens and who is with you.   This is directly related to b:

b.  I don’t have a whole lot of extra money just lying around. So, if I had planned on spending $1,000 on my guests when there were going to be 30 of them, understand I’m still just spending that $1,000, even if there’s 200 people.  And you know what? I don’t care.  You know why?  Just look at c:

c. We can always just elope, so fuck you.

  • Let’s talk about holiday gift giving. Kids – yes.  The man who sleeps next to me every night and puts up with my shit – yes.  My mom?  Depends on how big the electric bill is this month and if I can find a sale on winter items for both me and my son as we haven’t needed winter things so are woefully unprepared for anything less than 32 degrees on a regular basis.   Anyone else, not likely.  I don’t do much gift giving and I’d prefer you don’t include me in yours.  If you feel that strongly about a gift for me, make a donation to the National MS Society in my name.  I have more shit than I know what to do with.  I really don’t need more.  I appreciate you for what you add to my life on a daily basis.  That’s enough for me.  Please let it be enough.  Now, if I was willingly involved in some sort of Secret Santa or name exchange, that’s different.  But I’m not, so you know.
  • Still have zero regrets about leaving Virginia. Well, I do miss the ocean and the pool and the warmer weather.  But those aren’t regrets, those are things I miss.  Along with Jenna.  And Lisa.  And all of the breweries being so close to each other.  But I’d rather miss those people and things than miss my mom.  Or my sister.  Or my niece and nephew.  Or Chuck.  And that’s the bottom line (cuz Stone Cold said so.  Or something like that).