Posted in Life

I Am Wonder Woman Because Beer

 

I don’t mean to brag, but I was cos-playing before cos-playing was cool. Many Saturday afternoons in the late 70s, my older sister and I would dress up as our favorite TV show characters and play.  One of our favorites was Charlie’s Angels, but we’d usually wind up arguing over who got to be Kelly or Sabrina. No, we didn’t want to be Jill, because neither of us had blonde hair. However, my favorite character to dress up as was Wonder Woman. We’d wait patiently every week to see what kind of trouble Wonder Woman, played by Lynda Carter, would break up with her fabulous boobs and Lasso of Truth and then we’d make up our own scenarios and act them out. I suppose you could say that not only were we into cos-play, but we were also pretty big on fan fiction.

The difference between then and now is that we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars to get the costume just right. We often just wore whatever we had laying around, except when we played Wonder Woman. It was on those occasions that I would break out my Wonder Woman Underoos and use a winter scarf as my Lasso of Truth.

youth-wonder-waman

LEARN

In 1915, William Moulton Marston constructed one of the first versions of the polygraph, that measured blood pressure after people were questioned, noting that when one would lie, there would be a slight rise in blood pressure. This was expanded upon in the 20s by John Larson, who is given credit for inventing the modern polygraph. Stick with me here.

In 1941, Marston was a psychologist, was living with his wife in New York. They sly devil also had a mistress and children by both women – sneaky bastard. He was interested in the women’s suffrage movement. Feeling that comic books were filled with too much violence and dominated by strong, male characters, Marston created (you guessed it) Wonder Woman.

One of the most intriguing pieces of this character is that when she is bound in chains by men, Wonder Woman loses all of her powers.  This is an incredible statement relating directly to women’s suffrage movement and if you don’t believe me:

 

Left: “This 1912 drawing by Lou Rogers printed in Judge magazine shows how women used chains in the aftermath of the Civil War as a symbol of how they had not been fully emancipated. Courtesy of University of Michigan Library”.  Right: “This pen-and-ink drawing by Harry G. Peter appeared in Marston’s article Why 100,000 Americans Read Comics in American Scholar in 1943-44.  Courtesy of Harvard College Library”
Taken from:  http://www.npr.org/2014/10/27/359078315/the-man-behind-wonder-woman-was-inspired-by-both-suffragists-and-centerfolds

 

It’s also interesting to note that one of her powers comes from The Lasso of Truth, used to tie up the bad guys and get them to spill their guts. I wonder if it had a blood pressure detector in it.

 

 

TRY

I promised I would try a new beer last night. The severe storms and tornado warnings last night kept me home, but I had a great selection in my fridge. I decided since I was only going to have one beer that I would make it count. I fumbled through the bottles in the make-your-own-six-pack boxes and came up with this beauty:

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Dark Penance by Founders Brewing Co.  My own damn picture of the actual beer I drank.

Founders is out of Michigan and is one of my favorite breweries. I love their Porter and their All Day IPA, so I was pretty sure I couldn’t go wrong here. Dark Penance is an Imperial Black IPA. What does this mean? I figured I’d go straight to the brewery to answer this: “Dark Penance starts with a heavy malt foundation of Crystal malt for sweetness and just enough Midnight Wheat to push the color to black. The bitterness is huge (100 IBUs huge), but balanced by malt sweetness and alcohol burn. The hop flavors and aromas range from citrus to floral to pine—most everything that hops can be—thanks to a delicious blend of hand-selected Chinook and Centennial hops. The Imperial Black IPA is 8.9% ABV.” — http://foundersbrewing.com/latest-news/2014/announcing-dark-penance-imperial-black-ipa/

I took the first drink and as I did, it started raining harder than it had all night. DARK PENANCE WAS HERE. My salvation would be found in beer. We were under a tornado warning and the sky was this weird greenish color. But it was only 5:45 and the weather alert said the tornado wouldn’t be near my area until 6:05, so I figured I had time to drink. At first taste, it was incredibly bitter and I thought that I couldn’t possibly drink this beer in 15 minutes. I glanced outside and the rain was suddenly gone, the winds calm and I thought, “oh shit, the tornado is really coming,” and suddenly my mouth was happy with the flavor and the bitterness faded into maltiness that made me think that I just needed more, so I drank more.

By the by, the tornado got to us earlier than expected, and at about 5:55, we were hanging out in the bathtub, my kid with his laptop, me with my Founders.  Both enjoying our favorite things, just in case this was the end. After all, I’m on the top floor of my apartment building, so if the tornado was really coming here we were likely goners anyway.

Earlier, my son had asked me if he was taking cover in the bathtub and the entire building started shaking, what should he do. Because I am a parent based in realism, I answered, “Well, you start screaming. That’s all you can do.” For shits and giggles, when the wind was at its peak and we were sitting in the tub, I said, “Let’s scream. Just once.” So, we did. I finished that beer before leaving that bathtub and life returned to normal at about 6:10.

The tornado may not have touched down, but we had great mother-son bonding time, especially since he had just shit in that bathroom moments before we had to go in. This is my life.

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Author:

Mom - Check! Multiple Sclerosis awareness fanatic - Check! Total Dork - Check!

3 thoughts on “I Am Wonder Woman Because Beer

  1. I’ve had a couple other Black IPAs but not that one yet. I think most of the bitterness was in my expectations based on the color of the beer. I found them to be really flavorful. A little high on the calories meant I couldn’t drink a few at a time. But this one goes on my list.

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