Posted in Humor, Life

Remember this when you’re old

When I was younger, one of my favorite phrases to use when I was frustrated was, “Well fuck ME.  Fuck me right in the ear.”  Remember that. 

A friend of mine recently told me about her 22 year old daughter getting yet another piercing. 

Aside from ears, she has her nose, her Monroe, her tongue and now her lower lip right in the middle of it.   Because I happen to know the history of her daughter, I suggested that perhaps these were done for a purpose.  I suggested it would be possible to tie her mouth shut using these strategically placed piercings. 

We laughed a bit and talked about what that would all look like when she’s  elderly and in a nursing home.  Then, I went a step further. 

Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  “You know who I feel sorry for?”

Her:  “Who?”

Me:  “Those people walking around with the gigantic holes in their earlobes and metal or plastic washers inserted.  Or maybe they’re bolts.  I don’t remember what you call it.”  (I know now that they are called ear gauges.)

Her: “I don’t understand what those are for.”

Me:  “Neither do I, but just think – one day, when they’re senile and in a nursing home, some pissed off orderly is going to come in, and decide his dick fits right in that hole.  Can you imagine waking up to some guy fucking your earlobe?”

Well, can you?

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Author:

Mom - Check! Multiple Sclerosis awareness fanatic - Check! Total Dork - Check!

13 thoughts on “Remember this when you’re old

  1. My oldest daughter had her tongue pierced on Haight-Ashbury, when she was 19. She would wear a clear post because she taught in a daycare. She had her labia pierced in Hawaii, and no, I don’t know why, tmi (Fuck that shit, owww). She now is almost 29 and only wears one earring in each ear. It was something that she had to go through to get where she is now. Thank God it wasn’t a full body tattoo or a big hole in her ear, nose, lip or eyebrow. I got a tattoo on my ankle the day Noah & Nathan were born, I was 47.

    1. I think it just looks like a hole, because the skin around it will close up so you’ll just have a big-ass hole. Not to be confused with a big asshole. XO

  2. My daughter tried to go through the ear gauge phase… until I told her I would rip her earlobe in half if I saw the taper in it again. That has to be the nastiest trend I have ever seen!

  3. My daughter Sarah had those stupid gauges in her ears…until I told her she’d regret it when she was older when the wind was whistling through her ears, making a howling sound.

    She also had eyebrow, tongue, nose, and NIPPLE piercings. Luckily, these have all grown shut. She took the nipple piercings out last. Not sure why…she had talked about them getting “crusty”. Yuck…gotta lover her though..she’s a great kid.

    1. I have to ask you the same thing, Patty. Do they close up? Do they just start really small and get bigger and bigger? I’m picturing a giant hole puncher. I’m sure I’m wrong.

      Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

  4. Thats a funny thought Kim lol my little sister had the big ear holes and she took out the earrings for her wedding now they are small slits in her lobe im pretty sure no dick will be fitting in lol. I get asked about my chest tat all the time what will i do if it ends up on my stomach when iom old i really dont think i will care i will be old lol.Pierces are weird last week my son asked me to take out his nipple dumbell its all infected its on so tight we cant budge it he will have to go to a shop to have it removed it was gross and he looked like he might faint what a waste of 65 bucks ,and his gf never healed either she removed it i asked her when she breastfeeds does she have a 3 way spout. She just looked at me i thought it was a reasonable question hehe. Good to hear from you.Hope the training is going well.

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