I am trying out this new way of living. I’m basing it on karma and the universe; reap what you sow; an eye for an eye, what goes around comes around; the love you take is equal to the love you make; what you give is what you get.
I came up with this idea due to the fact that I was severely constipated for a few days. I was in an incredible amount of pain. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t rest. And why? Because I couldn’t poop. Tired of waiting for “Mother Nature”, I figured I’d flip the old bitch the bird and go ahead and work this one out (no pun intended) on my own.
A Fiber One bar, a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte, all kinds of drinks with artificial sweeteners, and a couple of Ex-lax should do the trick. It was then, when I was doubled over in pain, that I promised myself that should I be able to finally relieve myself, before I had to go to work the next day, that I would be a different person.
I suddenly felt the all too familiar bubbling and gurgling and spent much of the next 45 minutes taking care of business, dropping the kids at the pool, dropping a deuce. Whatever you call it, I was doing it. At one point, I was singing, trying to take my mind off of what was happening. When Jerry heard me launch into “Ave Maria”, he knew my prayers had been answered.
I left that “session” a changed woman. I feel a little guilty, as if I should have given my toilet a $35 co-pay. Best damned therapist I’ve ever had, that’s for sure.
None of this is the point of my writing. The point is for me to impart to YOU what people are saying about the “new me”. I’ve been nicer. I’ve been less snippy. I’ve been more focused on other people. I’ve been more willing to help. I’ve been a ball of sunshine!
Here are quotes from my friends about what they’re seeing from me the past two days:
“Uh oh, what’s wrong with you?”
“Just trying something new!”
Or this gem:
“Cut it out, Mary Poppins!”
Or how about:
“Blah. I want the old, honest you back.”
Or this one:
“Are you sick again? You don’t seem like yourself.”
Why is it than when someone wants to change, we often times fail to let them? Is it because we are afraid that their change may require us to change as well? Why can’t it just inspire us to change something negative about ourselves? And why don’t more people keep laxatives in their medicine cabinets?