Posted in Humor

I have entrepreneurial spirit!

I’m sorry. I really thought I could turn my $5.99 box of generic “Non-Drowsy Nasal Decongestant Maximum Strength” into a whole lot of meth and throw an amazingly off the hook party.

However, it apparently takes  more than 48 tablets to do this.

I know this, you see, because on my pharmacy receipt it says so.

So, apparently, I only need 3.65 grams to make meth for my next gathering.  So, if I buy another box today and a box tomorrow, I can be totally ready for the weekend!

I remember one time when everyone in our house was sick. So I went to the store and bought one giant box of pseudoepedrine and a box of the children’s version. The cash register actually would not let her ring both up on the same purchase. I explained that there were 3 people who needed the regular meth and a small child who needed meth-lite. No such luck. I actually had to leave the store and go get it at another.

Now, they require you to hand over your driver’s license to get it.

This is all just becoming a huge inconvenience. Next thing you know, you won’t be able to buy cough drops without id. You think I’m kidding? You already can’t send them to school with your kids.

I’m such an entrepreneur, I think I’ll become a cough drop pusher.   I’ll be camping out on the side of the High School where the “cool kids” go to smoke.

“Ludens or Halls? Pick your poison. Come on, man, I’ve got the good shit. You want menthol?”

“Ricola? Naw, I ain’t got that shit, yo. That’s candy fo’ da babies. You come back when you done sucklin’ on yo mama’s tittays.”  With that little slam, the dude in line behind him will laugh and give me five.

“ Vicks? Lemme call da man.”

*dialing cell phone*

“Yo, Manny. Can we get some Vicks on the downlow? We gonna get a big run on ‘em. I got tree waitin’ now and a line behind dem. Thanks, G.”

*hangs up*

“Yeah, I have dem after schoo, out back, near da track. I’ll be da one running inna pink shorts.   Shit!  Gotta jet!”

As I run away, I’ll be yelling “Five-O! Five-O!!”

They’d give me some nickname like the “Cough Drop Kim” until I tell them that’s just retarded. They’ll change it to “Koff-Dropp Kidd” and I’ll be happy with that, because wrong spellings and double letters are all the rage in gangsta land.  It means you have arrived.

Peace to your homies.  Word to your mother.

K-D K out!

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Author:

Mom - Check! Multiple Sclerosis awareness fanatic - Check! Total Dork - Check!

16 thoughts on “I have entrepreneurial spirit!

  1. Omg you made my day which is shit, lmao that is really odd we arent that bad up here yet but i do have to give a urine sample to make sure im not abusing my tylonal 3s every month hehe.Hey hope your feeling better and have a happy birthday

  2. I need id to buy medicine, paint, lighters, WD40, and any number of things people buy on a semi regular basis. We could get a whole racket going.

  3. I actually know someone who use to buy up boxes of Dramamine and crush them up and sell them….couple bucks a box and sold it for $30.00….kind of unbelievable…and yes it’s a damn inconvenience….

    1. Dramamine? Really? Isn’t that for motion sickness? You know, it was easier for me to buy booze and cigs when I was 16 than it is to get some sudafed these days.

  4. I agree, it’s a pain in the butt! I’m waiting for them to start IDing for canned air to clean the computer keyboards too! Kids are huffing them and freezing their lungs and dying! You are my favorite Koff Dropp Kidd ev-a!!

  5. You come back when you done sucklin’ on yo mama’s tittays.

    Wow.

    Don’t deal drugs. It’s a pain in the ass. Come down here and we’ll sell poontang for a while, make us some big bucks. 😉

      1. I haven’t bought cold meds in SO long, but I hear ya. I know the clerk for god’s sake, it’s obvious I’m not a crack head. (Ignore the box wine.) What the hell? When did everyone decide they were your mother? Christ!

        Sorry, you hit a sore spot. Now hand me the wine and five, YES FIVE, of those benadryls.

  6. What the hell us this world coming to when you can’t just make some meth? Jeez. I loved the meth-lite comment! Priceless. Westsiddddddeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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