Some of the funniest shit that comes out of my kid’s mouth happens in the tub.
Last night, I was on the phone with my mom while he was in there and I could hear him having a “conversation”. OK, it was mostly his toys having the conversation, he was just giving them voice. Anyhow, here’s how part of the conversation went:
“Well mine is better than yours!”
“That’s because you are a doodie head!”
“Oh yeah? Well you eat poop and drink pee!”
“Shut up you stupid head!”
“You shut up!”
“No, you shut up, you stupid poo-eating doodie shut up head!”
On and on it went until I got off of the phone and went in there.
He pointed at something floating in the tub.
“Mom, what’s that?”
I picked it up and looked at it.
“Josh, did you pick this off of the side of the tub?”
“Yes, what is it?”
“It’s a piece of caulk. Don’t pick at that anymore.”
He looked down into the water, a sad look on his face. When he looked up again, he looked confused. Obviously, the answer he was looking for was not in the tub waters.
“Mom? What does a cock do?”
I had to hide my laughter. It was my turn to stare into the tub water, trying to compose myself before I answered.
“Mom! I asked what does a cock do?”
“Not much honey. It fills up cracks.”
And that’s the honest truth.
I did correct his pronunciation. I don’t need him to go tell his classmates and teacher that cock fills cracks.